Cliffs Note Intellectualism, n.; The exercise or application of the intellect as taken from crib sheets, scribbled notes on the back of the hand, or from looking over a smart student’s shoulder during a test.
Using big words, like “mellifluous”, that sound better than they spell, or speaking words never seen or heard before, such as “corpsman”.
Sometimes CNI can be attained through osmosis simply by licking an iPad.
No. 10: DAVID BROOKS
In all honesty, Brooks shouldn’t be here, as he has slipped from #4 to off the chart since making this comment in 2008:
“I remember distinctly an image of–we were sitting on his couches, and I was looking at his pant leg and his perfectly creased pant,”
No. 9: JANEANE GAROFOLO
“Is being an idiot like being high all the time?”
There are people who would rather choke than go see my movies. They write me letters all the time.
“White supremacist ideology is based first and foremost on the degradation of black bodies in order to control them. One of the best ways to instill fear in people is to terrorize them. Yet this fear is best sustained by convincing them that their bodies are ugly, their intellect is inherently underdeveloped, their culture is less civilized, and their future warrants less concern than that of other peoples.”
“I’ll show you Obama’s birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin’s high school diploma.”
Moving up the ladder year-by-year to the No 6 spot, we’re considering changing the name of this list, in his honor, once Oswald Bates is paroled.
No. 5: KATIE KOURIC
Ten time recipient of the Katie Couric Inspidity Award, she is noted for having once quipped:
“But of course when people watch morning television, Terry, it’s a very different animal. You know, they’re running around, they’re getting their kids ready for school, they’re probably doing eight million things, they’re brushing their teeth.”
Some say this was her most intellectual moment.
No. 4: KEITH OLBERMANN
“Reagan’s dead, and he was a lousy President.”
No. 3: MICHAEL MOORE
“Should such an ignorant people lead the world? How did it come to this in the first place? 82% of us don’t even have a passport! Just a handful can speak a language other then English.”
Dixit inspiens. Oh, thou shiteing bovine!
No. 2: HILLARY RODMAN CLINTON
Runner-up in this competition for the twentieth consecutive year.
“I’m not some Tammy Wynette standing by my man.”
And the NUMBER ONE CLIFFS NOTE INTELLECTUAL FOR THE 12th CONSECUTIVE YEAR
(drum roll, please)
Whose credo has always been:
“It God had not intended them to be sheared,
He would not have made them sheep.”
(For 10 points, and a front row seat in the upcoming…see below…debate with these whiz kids: What is the origin of this statement?)
EX OFFICIO: BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA and JOSEPH ROBINETTE BIDEN
BATES LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS:
BARBARA STREISAND and SUSAN SARANDON
RUNNERS UP: (in alphabetical order)
ROSEANNE BARR, JOY BEHAR, GEORGE CLOONEY, MAUREEN DOWD, Sen AL FRANKEN, DAVID FRUMM, MATT LAUER, DAVID LETTERMAN, CHRIS MATHEWS, ROSIE O’DONNELL, LAWRENCE O’DONNELL, and the Three Amigos, Forward and Aft Cabin Mess Stewards for the garbage scow, Kracken
This 2012 in named in honor of Oswald Bates, who will be up for parole again this year. Your prayers and letters of encouragement to the California Parole Commission would be appreciated.
This is not just for show. This is a serious challenge. Pick your best, including academe, even Dr Irwin Cory, and we’ll pick out ten names at random from the tea party registry and take you on.
You hire the hall, we’ll bring the pitchforks, BYOB>