Cliffs Note Intellectualism, n.; The exercise or application of the intellect as taken from crib sheets, scribbled notes on the back of the hand, or from looking over a smart student’s shoulder during a test.
And then turn that into jibberish, using big words, like “mellifluous”, that sound better than they spell, or speaking words never seen or heard before, such as “corpsman”.
Sometimes CNI can be attained through osmosis simply by licking an iPad.
No 15: JEFFREY EPSTEIN
What can I say, one of the most photographed men in America, solely because of his acquaintances. Yet now, in a short few months’ time, either dead or in protective internment…either way, one of the most dangerous men to many of the names and institutions listed below.
No 14: CELEBRITY, INC
Including Kathy Griffin, Better Midler, Robert De Niro, Rob Reiner, Joy Behar, George Lopez, Michael Moore, and a cast of 100’s of nobodies and has-beens, what they call B-listers, my favorite poster girl shown above, who went from some nice paying gigs to detailing cars down at Jiffy Lube on weekends, hoping to get wider distribution of her newsletter, “How to Get Ahead by Being Photographed Holding Donald Trump’s Head”. Apparently, it does get some lookers, for a few with failing careers have also tried to jump start theirs with the same opening line. I think the Secret Service is paying a visit to George Lopez this week.
No 13: ANTIFA INC
Still in laboratory incubators in 2012, these were the One Ring’s original Orcs, fair-skinned naifs, but have been morphed into Uruk-hai, soon to be brandishing weapons in an escalating street war against civilization. Genuine weapons of Terror, look for more of them in 2020.
No 12 CONSERVATIVE. INC
And how this band of “Conservatives” saw free men and women in America when Barack Obama approvingly pointed it out, and who Hillary Clinton (below) dubbed “Deplorables”, and which Donald Trump decried, bringing them to a cross roads.
And they took it.
The Senior Partners shown, but joined by a small army of elitists who always wanted to be Elites, wannabes all, Jonah Goldberg, David French, Stephen Hayes, included, and a few others, some with interesting connections to William F Buckley, Jr. and his magazine, “National Review”. Since WFB was a genuine Elite, he looked upon the first 400 names in the Boston Telephone Directory as princes of the Republic instead of peons of the Realm.
Thus is the difference between Elite and elitist explained.
No. 11: RACHEL MADDOW, MSNBC host since 2008
(Replaces JANEANE GAROFOLO….Who?)
No 1 in her time slot for 8 years under Obama, fell to last since
Cries a lot.
Represents the lower two-thirds of the Democrat presidential field which is larger than Notre Dame’s cheerleading team; mayor of South Bend, Indiana, and married to a man named Chasten, whose favorite sport is to go to certain types of bars and chasten other gay men into playing “Rub a dub dub…”
He quotes made-up Bible verses about forgiveness; but the mere mention of the Bible is his only singular plus in a large Democratic field.
Probably should be ranked higher as she is secretly believed to be Oswald Bates’ mad aunt.
Holds every congressional record for being able to be photographed with so many different disgusting faces.
No. 7 JOSEPH ROBINETTE BIDEN
(Replaces Bill Maher, who has learned to lighten up after seeing what happened to Kathy Griffin)
In 2012, an Ex Officio Member of the Oswald Bates Top 10 list by virtue of being Vice President.
Doesn’t want to become president but does want to preserve the kitchen recipes that allowed him and his family to become rich, and keeping the kitchen’s recipes secret.
Already our poster boy as the quintessential middle-man Gutter Trash politician that makes a one-world government even thinkable.
No. 6: TEAM CNN
(Replaces KATIE KOURIC, noted insipidarian, who has almost faded from memory to those who knew her, and is totally unknown to millennials.)
The Nazgul, or Ringwraiths, for the Rings, and many more than 9 names which you may even recognize. Brian Stelter my choice as poster boy. Their clown prince. But also, Jim Acosta, Chris (Fredo) Cuomo, Wolf Blitzer, Don Lemon, Jake Tapper, Anderson Cooper, Fareed Zakharia, David Axelrod, and a cast of dozens more..
No. 5: THE NEW YORK TIMES & WASHINGTON POST
(Replaces Keith Olbermann, another name that has faded from modern memory)
In the fake news business, the Two Rings that rule them all.
By their words, ye shall know them.
No 4. THE DEEP STATE
The Second Floor Lovers: Peter Strozk and Lisa Page
Virtue-signaling what the Deep State thinks of Citizens
After an all-nighter at the office studying permutations
The FBI Front Office Schemers: James Comey and Andrew McCabe
Anchoring the worst period in the FBI’s history.
The Intelligence Community Strategists: John Brennan and James Clapper
CIA and DIA, Both got their spurs in the Clinton years.
Law: “When the boss is dirty, everybody else knows they can go rogue.”
The Dwarf kings under the Mountain
No. 3: THE DEMOCRATIC HOUSE
NANCY PELOSI, ADAM SCHIFF and JERROLD NADLER
(Replaces Michael Moore, who has been demoted but at least is still remembered.)
The Three Elves
Tiny, tiny people
“Should such an ignorant people lead the world? How did it come to this in the first place?
Dixit inspiens. Oh, thou shiteing bovines!
No. 2: HILLARY RODMAN CLINTON
After 28 years, still the “unvaginative” (see Oswald Bates) Runner-up in this competition ever since she accompanied her husband to the White House in 1992.
“I’m not some Tammy Wynette standing by my man.”
Since 1992, she has gone from lamp-throwing, curse-tossing feminist, to bulbous Secretary of State, indifferently observing the murder of men under her protection in North Africa, to failed presidential candidate and election cheater par excellence, to being appointed chancellor of a soon-to-be forgettable university in Ireland, solely for the purpose of avoiding extradition.
While other (dis)honoraria await her, she still can’t match the new Oswald Bates prize-winners for Gobbledegookery…..
So please give a long round of applause for the NEW NUMBER ONE CLIFFS NOTE INTELLECTUALS replacing Al Gore after almost 20 years
(drum roll, please)
and her Squad, ILHAN OMAR and RASHIDA TLAIB
The Singing Sauronettes
For unintelligible Oswald gibberish they are unmatched. And unmatchable, even for Hillary in mid-lamp toss. It’s their non-profanity balderdash, blather, drivel, mumbo jumbo, tripe, hogwash, bilge, bullshite, eyewash, piffle, twaddle, phooey, hooey, codswallop, double Dutch, flapdoodle, bushwa, and tommyrot that raises them above our perennial Oswald Bates malarkey Runner-up, Mrs Clinton.
EX OFFICIO: BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA and MICHELLE OBAMA
BATES LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS: AL GORE
Sen Chuck Schumer, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Sen Bernie Saunders, Spec Counsel Robert Mueller
This is named in honor of Oswald Bates, who will be up for parole again this year. Your prayers and letters of encouragement to the California Parole Commission would be appreciated.
It’s an election years, so this is not just for show. This is a serious debate challenge. Pick your best, including academe, even Dr Irwin Cory, and we’ll pick out ten names at random from the tea party registry and take you on.
You hire the hall, we’ll bring the pitchforks, BYOB.